Advises, or not?

You know what I hate most about first-time-parent-advises? That people will use their own experience and then assume it is the best and force their opinion on you. And no matter what you say about your own research, they throw your idea out and still insist on their way. Hey you know what? I had enough, it just stops me from wanting to talk to you any further because it is just a one-sided conversation anyway.

1)      Your baby and you. THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM. My baby and i? We got our own dynamics going on. What works for you may not work for us. So stop forcing what you do for your baby down my throat. Unless you want to give me your baby.

2)      We have different way of life, which means, how I travel to work or how I travel around is different from you. If you need a big ass stroller because you need to hang a lot of things or carry a lot of things, that is your problem, not mine! While I am thankful I got my own ride and that I will likely not face difficulty travelling ard in public transport, I also know that I may eat my words one day when I need to somehow rely on public transport.

3)      Not everyone has the budget like you. Everyone sets aside their own budget to buy things. While its not that we are poor and we need to beg for 2nd hand items, I still think it is feasible for some items to be hand me down, of course I will not compromise on safety or hygiene. If we see a good deal of a brand new, of course there is no questions asked. Everyone wants the best for their child.

4)      Your pregnancy and mine is different. Thank you for LOL-ing when you ask how am I and I say I am still nauseous and vomiting. You know what? I hope karma strikes you back.

5)      Don’t say things like “next time you will know” when I rebuke your advises. Don’t make me sound like I will regret if I don’t listen to you. You must have gone through the “regret” stage which is where you got to now. But that doesn’t mean I will regret whatever I will or will not do. As I said. Our babies are different beings. What works for you may not work for me.

6)      It is up to me to find out what works for me and my baby. I wouldn’t know until my baby is out right? Until then, I will need to assume and make the best decision I think should be.

7)      Babies are precious. Especially our own. That I know. So please don’t think that I will make decisions that will possibly be bad for us.

8)      Money do not drop from the sky. While I really love a Stokke, it is not practical and will not make a difference to how I transport my baby around so a Capella will do for now. I also really love a Medela Freestyle, but if a Spectra M1 can do the same job or if not better, at 1/3 the price, why not? The money saved can be used for so much more things.

9)      What you buy may not be the best, same goes for me. What I buy may not be the best but if it works, why not? Maxi Cosi is the leading brand for Car Seats. I also know that fixing on the car with isofix is the best choice. But if I find a Joie suitable for me but uses seat belt for installation, why not? All manufacturers would have gone through safety checks to ensure that products are safe for selling. Some people tell me don’t need to buy so ex cos seldom bring baby out. Some say it is a long term investment so better to buy a good one. For me, I do not need a high end one because I believe an average one would be able to perform the same safety function as an expensive one. I also intend to bring my baby out often, hence I will definitely get one which is from new born – 4 yrs old type. But then again, I wouldn’t know until baby is out. I also heard of cases where baby refuses to sit in the car seat. So we just have to wait and see.

10)   I don’t care if you are done with your new born items. I am not a dumping ground. Yes I did say I don’t mind hand me downs, but its selective and im not a rubbish bin. Things like used breast pump, no thanks! Things like baby wipes, no thanks! Things like baby soap, no thanks! Do you even use your brain before asking if I want it? Hygiene is important, yo!

As first time parents, we have a lot of wish list, we wish our babies will sit in car seat quietly. We wish baby will sleep through the night. We wish baby will breastfeed successfully. We wish we got enough milk supply. We wish baby is a happy baby. But you know what? Every baby is different and hence every first-time-parent experience is different. While advises are well appreciated, it is really not necessary to put more stress on first time parents by forcing your idea down on them. It really makes them feel like they have no choice and will regret if they do not listen to you.

Ok, end of rant.



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